Let me start of this blog by saying that I haven't done this in a vary long time and I'm a bit rusty at this sort of thing. It feels like ages since I wrong on my blog on Myspace. It almost feels like a lifetime ago. I'm in a different place than I was then but then again i'm right back there again. It's strange how that is. I've been wanting to write a blog for a while, but I have always stopped myself. I was always worried that no one would follow it. But then I realized that it doesn't matter that people follow me, well at least right now it doesn't. Right now what matters is that I get my feeling and thoughts out on paper,, err on a .. um out there. Maybe as time goes by I will start letting people know about my blog. I might start with my fiance so he can get to know me better.

I am starting this blog after a night and pretty much day that I believe could have been better. I have been feeling a little isolated lately,, okay not a little but  A LOT isolated and I have not been feeling like I can express myself lately. And to be frank that makes me want to cry. If I think back to when I was first writing my blog on Myspace I would say I had the same feelings. But i feel as though they are more intesified now. See now I have a son and a fiance. My wonderful man is working in Alaska and it feels like half of my heart is gone. My lovely lil' man is 14 months old and I am trying my hardest to make sure that he doesn't feel left out by any of his family but it's hard when I am getting an overwelming feeling that I am not fitting in.

All I can do now is work on myself and make sure that I can surround  myself with positive people. But it's hard when I don't know who I am anymore, I feel like I have lost myself somewhere.

Lets just hope I find myself and don't lose it in the process.